Grief

It's been a hectic month. There was a lot of stress and pressure here and there. And on top of that is my annoying brother-in-law. That's why I have been posting anything interesting on my blog lately. The following post is kinda personal, but I want to get this off my chest and had to write it down.

I've been balling my eyes out for the past 3 days, especially last night when my brother-in-law really tipped me off. I mean, he really pissed me off and made me cry/teary all day. I am still feeling really, REALLY hurt!

First of all, what happened was that Brandon was being a little picky and bossy with me. He wouldn't stop ordering me to do this and do that, so I decided to ignored him (disengage and walk away). I was trying to discipline him an let him think about what he did.

I don't punish Brandon nor do I ever hit him. NEVER. Please don't ever do that to your kids. I do a lot of discipline without punishment most of the time. I know there's a lot of repeating and I even explain about consequences to the little one. By the way, I am trying this discipline method from the book "1-2-3 Magic".

Of course he cried and was calling for me. Then it seemed quiet all of a sudden. When I came out of the other room, I found out that my brother-in-law took little Brandon upstairs WITHOUT ME KNOWING. Brandon told me afterwards when I ask him who took him upstairs. I got mad. He had no right to disrupt my family and how we raise our kids. Because I was downstairs with my hands full, I loudly asked Brandon to come back downstairs (making sure he heard me through the noisiness and walls all around). My brother-in-law then shouted at me. I shouted back at him to stop yelling. I'm sure Brandon was freaked out. He never shouts at me like that at me before and I got scared too.

I got so frustrated that I smashed a plate on the tile floor. Then I went upstairs, found Brandon with my mother-in-law, and brought him back. All I wanted was my little Brandon to come back 'home'. Little Brandon was not supposed to go upstairs, especially without us (my Hubby and I) knowing. I'm very protective of my son.

My Hubby wasn't there to see what happened so I emailed him to let him know. When he came home, I needed that hug. I was still teary-eyed and my Hubby hugged me for as long as I needed. I was glad he was there for me. I also had a little hug from Brandon.

The problem we have is that we don't get enough privacy. We have mentioned this to my in-laws previously. It's not the brother-in-law's business to interrupt how we discipline our children (or take them away without us knowing). As my Hubby says, it's not his kid anyway. This is our child and it's our way of raising him. After so many years, my Hubby still never wants to ever communicate with his brother who's always interrupting. He wants nothing to do with him anymore. I understand how he feels too.

Hubby mentioned that we seriously need to move out. We've been trying to move away from that house for quite some time, but it's hard especially living on one income right now. We don't have much of our own privacy living with his parents and brother. I know my Hubby wants have our own separate family. I don't really care much where we live anymore.

I spoke with my doctor about these headaches and constant abdominal pains. Found out I had a miscarriage. That explains why I've been having cramps and stomach pain along with spotting and clumping (period-like blood but coming and going). I didn't realize I was experiencing pregnancy symptoms for the past couple weeks. I haven't told anyone; nor my Hubby (as he's got enough stress on him already). I took this better this time than the first time it happened before I had Brandon. It isn't a good time for me to start an argument battle with anyone. I need to rest and hopefully time will heal... hopefully soon.